Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Alive.
So much puke
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
