This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
