she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
