forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
