My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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