I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
