He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
