I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
