I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I party with great urgency now.
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