Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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