it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
