i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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