Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
