I want to have your abortion
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
