You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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