Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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