Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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