So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
