He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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