he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
