mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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