I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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