There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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