Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
