Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
