Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
