Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
