i'm signing you up for texting rehab
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
