It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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