Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
