Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
