Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
