I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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