U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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