What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
