Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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