Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
