ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
