dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
