If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
