Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
