I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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