I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
