the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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