do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
