and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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