Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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