i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
