Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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