if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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