saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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